People are born without willingness

I hope I am not going to tease myself when I look back into this article in the future. I am sorry to write such pessimistic stuff but it is a way out for me.

I was stunned since suddenly, I was aware that I put myself in this situation, which I was probably completely indulged in and trapped in. Like a detective, I am trying to connect every single event to make up a reasonable story, so that I would feel a bit comfortable and not regard myself such dump and naive. Deeply believe in people, so I suppose nobody should be blamed on, even myself. I would say everything goes with the principle of this universe while unfortunately I underestimated it and made too many assumptions. Thus, I am afraid that I don't even have the right to blame on since it is the choice I made. However, I would say, I do not regret what I have done.

When I was little, I remembered that there was always something in my mind that I didn't speak out in order not to hurt my beloved family or friends. But I literally think that it is so unfair that I have no choice to be born and come to this world. I have no choice but to be born and should get through the life. I know I am lucky because I possess a lot, even though I don't think I deserve it. I am afraid I can't reward to the people who love me deeply since sometimes I really don't know how to make myself feel at ease and enjoy the so called life, which is the status they might not love to see. Therefore, I am trying to do some meditation lately since my mind is somehow out of control. I don't know if I shall have some expectation from meditation. Maybe this ambition may somehow make it run contrary. I am trying to do it daily and let's see how it goes.

These trivial memories are really beautiful but you got the more intensive feeling when you know they are gone. Hopefully I am forgetful enough, so that I could take nothing happened. Everything will go well, hopefully.

You lost, and you learned

Things go the way in this rule. In the limited life with limited time, there should be something sacrificed even though they are indispensable. Some faiths are kept in my mind, and I rely on they and live with them. They are the basics of my willpower, motivation and even courage. They seem to be more significant when I live abroad, since they grow up mentally and physically, kind of like the scaffolds supporting me.

Looking back over, I couldn't tell where all these faiths originate exactly. Perhaps mostly are coming from my beloved family and friends. I was fortune to get to know so many nice people at early twenty's. They help me, making me believe in myself and get through the toughness. Some people are always consultants to me, I may be the one always helped. However, I overlooked their needs of shelter. They love me, so I got secure in knowledge that I had strong backing from their loves. Thus, I just kept telling myself I am going to respond them after I finished my jobs. I am so sorry that I was so careless and selfish, and was not aware of it till I lost one of the most important people in my life. For sure people get tired for such a long and unforeseeable waiting. It is my selfishness to drive them away. I should know everything is going to change except for affection to family. I am really sorry...

Say Love in time, no matter when.

Amazing sceneries from jogging route

Heartwarming Christmas

In my impression, Christmas is the time you can see Christmas trees on streets, snowflake-shape decorations and Christmas songs played repeatedly in gift stores. Or it is a holiday for children to get presents from Santa Klaus (who is always disguised by their parents... so sweet) Though I know this holiday roughly, somehow enjoy it in Taiwan when my friends and I exchange the blessings with Christmas cards. Actually 25. December coincides a Taiwanese public holiday, which in memory of the execution of Constitution, so we all have a day off. However, it's interesting that more people seem to focus more on Christmas.

At the end of 2014 in Germany, I appreciate my sweet friend a lot for the invitation to have Christmas holidays together with her family. It was the the most unforgettable Christmas I've ever had. Can't wait to show you this experience! So let's just start the story from this "multi-function" cup defined by humorous dad of my friend.

for left-hander (left) ; for right-hander (right)

At noon of 24. December, I joined lunch with my friend's family and her super lovely grandparents. We had potato salad,  boiled eggs and sausages and vegetarian ones with enjoyable atmosphere. After that we had home-made cookies and children punch tea as dessert. Humm... so tasty!

tasty home-made cookies

My friend's youngest sister showed me the advent calender. She told me that with it you can count down Christmas from the first day of December by poking each little area. Then you're gonna get chocolate and read the story about Christmas every day. How sweet is it!

Advent calender

Look! We got an angel on 24. December!

chocolate from the calender 

Before we went to church, we chatted a lot and played with table games. In Taiwan, we have something similar but sometimes with gambling. Haha, I think things get different involved with money. You can see people become serious with this game.

the table game we are playing with

At about 17:30, we went to church nearby our place. Praying and worshiping solemnly. At the same time, everyone got one candle to pass down the flame in symbol of inheritance. We also sang some songs that I knew before but in English. Somehow they sound calmer in German and I got an indescribably good feeling flowing around.  

we're going to church!

Large Christmas tree with delicate decoration in church

Everything looks familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, since in Taiwan we celebrate our New Year's eve in the same way but with totally different scenes. The reunion of my friend's family remind me of my family in Taiwan. We have big meal with our relatives on New Year's Eve, and   the interesting thing is that each of dish has its own meaning. As for German Christmas, I especially like the atmosphere of exchanging presents. It's so warm and I enjoy seeing the moment that people open their presents. The happy facial expressions can not be more adorable! Though we don't exchange presents in Taiwan, children get their "Lucky money" from seniors. Totally different concept for gift, right?

so surprised! I also got Christmas gifts from my friend's parents

On Christmas, we were going to visit my friends grandparents and have a big lunch with other family members. We got cheese hot-pot with bread, mini BBQ with fresh vegetables, slice of meat. Compared to what I had in Taiwan, it was much more healthy! Also, it was interesting, since somehow I can play with these food. We had super delicious tiramisu as dessert for ending!

big meal for Christmas. we got mini BBQ with fresh ingredients

 home-made tasty tiramisu 

It's fantastic that I got to celebrate Christmas with this musical family. After we finished our lunch, we took a rest and sang self-composed songs together. The syneresis was so beautiful that I didn't even want to stop it. 

Beautiful time passed so fast and I got to go back to Aachen! The next day my friend and I took a little walk round this little town and then went to the train station. Then I saw the train sending me back to reality. Oh... I really want to stay longer...

the train sending me back to Aachen

Recently I just realized plot of "The Blue Bird". I keep thinking how lucky I am to have so many cool and nice people around. The only thing I am not satisfied with is myself, so what I can do is to become the guy I want to be, who is empathetic and powerful enough. Truly, I appreciate what I have now.

The happiness is actually everywhere. This is the one I happened to catch!